Random Encounters – Weis Mom

Interacting with random Bloomsburg Townees is always an interesting experience. These moments typically occur in a few seconds, but they are definitely worth sharing.

*Beep*

Wheat Bread – $2.49

*Beep*

Chicken Breasts – $11.99

Please don’t go over $50. Pleasee don’t go over $50.

Grocery shopping always provokes a special kind of anxiety. Watching the numbers trail down the screen, the total sum jumping higher and higher. It’s like suspense thriller starring me and my bank account. Continue reading

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Adventures in Learning: Spanish 102

Only one more class left!

Finals start next week and then Graduation! Even though I planned to stay at Bloom for my Master’s Degree, I relished in the thought of not having to take another Gen Ed class again. I just needed to survive these remaining Spanish lectures.

Professor Guca-Moll quietly entered the room with a delicate ease. Her short stature and precise movements amplified her strange mannerisms. Her explanations about the Spanish language were riddled with enigmatic directions such as: “Open your mind’s eye and imagine the language” or “Replay the definition in your head like a black and white movie.”

Honestly, she would have done better teaching poetry. Continue reading

First Love

“Cynthia was asking about you,”

I sat hunched down obsessively scrolling on my Galaxy S4. Going grocery shopping with Mom is like going to the dentist; A painful experience that seems to never end. Her Honda Odyssey pulled up to the last traffic light near the Walmart parking lot.

“Why.” I flatly responded.

Sensing contempt in my voice my mom lifted an eyebrow and glanced at me, “Don’t be like that, why don’t you like Cynthia?”

My muscles tightened with anger. No length of time would ever heal this wound. I swiveled in the passengers seat to face my mom and answer sternly, Continue reading

The Eager Observer

The members of CGA huddled together at one table during the lunch break. Ike, Molly, Sandra, Dustin, and Tera were all present. We took our seats as the Kehr Union Ballroom quickly filled up with students, alumni, and presenters for the 10th Annual Husky Student Leadership Conference. Conversations about the various workshops spread amongst the group. I remained silent.

God I’m starving! When is the food coming? I really hope it’s not peanut butter and jelly. Actually, I don’t mind peanut butter and jelly. If the ratio of peanut butter is higher than jelly than I’m good. Maybe I do want peanut butter jelly?

“Hey Pat,” Ike summoned my attention.

“Yes?”

“I got this really awesome idea! Let’s get a group photo with all the CGA alumni!”

“Great thinking man, I really like that idea!”

“I knew you would haha, I spoke to a bunch of alumni already. Could you try to convince Steve Grayola?” Continue reading

Freelance Romantic

This post is for all you singles and soon-to-be singles (you know who you are 😐)

Want some dating advice? Try changing up some of your terminology before entering the dating pool! Here’s an example:

Person 1: “So, are you single?”

Person 2: “Me? No, I prefer to think of myself as a Freelance Romantic.”

What in the hippty hell is a freelance romantic? Let me break it down.

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Freelance Romantic

Source Barryam-Webster

Definition: Freelance Romantic noun. – An individual who is independent of any romantic entanglements at the present. Commonly referred to as “single”, this person will likely die miserable and alone.

Synonyms for Freelance Romantic include:

  • Commitment Dodger
  • Friend-Zone Adventurer
  • Single Pringle Ready to Mingle
  • Mom’s Basement Dweller
  • Riding Han Solo
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It totally works!

A simple change in terminology makes all the difference! – Barry

Random Encounters – Street Crossing

Interacting with random Bloomsburg Townees is always an interesting experience. These moments typically occur in a few seconds, but they are definitely worth sharing.

I left Jen and Sare’s apartment around 3:36pm to return home. Traffic began to congest heavily by the time I reached the corner.  I patiently waited for an opportunity to cross.

Please let me cross. No? Okay.

Will you let me cross? No? Alrighty then.

Seven minutes flew by and now an older gentleman stood on the opposite corner also waiting to cross. There was a brief lull in traffic and the man darted immediately. My aversion to becoming roadkill kept me standing still.

The man starting shouting at me from the middle of the street Continue reading

How to Lose Friends and Infuriate People – Chapter Two

The introductory chapter to this book exposed you to a fundamental principle in losing friends and infuriating people. Before moving on to this chapter, be sure to review the material discussed in the Introduction once more.

Part Two – Strategies for Losing Friends.

In your efforts to shed friends like an old snake skin you will encounter many difficulties. At some point you encounter a great altruistic figure who insists on enduring friendship with you. Such as serious case of the measles, you wish to be rid of this person!

Do not fret. I have crafted a stratagem specifically for this purpose. Continue reading