How to Lose Friends and Interrupt People: Chapter 3

In the last two chapters in this guide I share fundamental strategies for losing friends. To get the best results apply these principles in everyday life. If uncertain takes a grip of you take a moment and ask the following question, “What would Barry do?” This simple question will help you to become more anti-social with repeated practice.

This section pivots into techniques for infuriating people. A seasoned anti-socialite knows that the best way to lose friends is not to make any. This philosophy is apparent in the following principle:

Principle 3) Want to avoid the guest list? Be pretentious!

A true rarity in this world is a pretentious person with friends. For that individual life is hard. The pretentious individual arrived on this planet without everyone knowing how great, intelligent, amazing, and special they are. To correct this, they must spend their days informing everyone. Observation shows that people generally despise this behavior. Hence the age old adage “Nobody likes a know-it-all.” Mimic this behavior if you wish to elude friendships.

Scenario:

It is your first day working at a new job. At the day Ben and Kelly invite you to the 15th annual company picnic. Ben and Kelly notice your signs of hesitation, so they give you until the end of the week to respond.

Do you:

  1. A) Carefully explain to Ben and Kelly that picnics are sooo 90’s and that The New York Times reports that everyone is 5.5 times more likely to contract ringworms in an outside environment?
  2. B) Make fun of Ben’s southern accent while informing him that the proper annunciation is “pick-nick” not “peck-knack”?
  3. C) Step outside your comfort zone and attend the picnic?

The correct answers are A and B. Each answer alone does not sufficiently display your intellectual superiority. Don’t forget: Want to avoid the guest list? Be pretentious!

Until next time – Barry

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