In Pursuit of Pizza

Psssssst. Hey. You awake?

Stomach leave me alone. It’s two in the morning.

I realllyyy want some pizza. Do you want pizza? I know you do. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Gimme’a piece’a of pizza. Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with a pepperoni on top?

Fine! I’ll get some damn pizza, just stop annoying me. Begrudgingly, I bounced out of bed and threw on clothes. As I opened my bedroom door the light from the hallway temporarily vanquished my retinas. Before reaching the steps downstairs I saw some friends in the social lounge so I made a quick detour.

“Hey Patrick, where are you headed to this late?” Sare inquired.

Emmy A. and Modi sat beside Sare on the purple couch.

“Hey! I can’t sleep and I really want some pizza”

Modi looked at me quizzically, “You know it’s super late right? It could be dangerous out there”

“What? Nah haha trust me I’ll be fine. Are you guys hungry too?”

The trio of girls exchanged sideways glances that clearly said “yes, but I don’t want to admit it.” Okay guess I’m getting two pizzas! My pizza pilgrimage led me to Tri-Pi. I arrived to huge mass of sweaty bodies crowding inside the store. I shouldn’t be surprised, today is Saturday and pizza is the perfect post-party food.

Jeez, where does the line even start?

Taking a guess, I stood behind someone and waited patiently. I HATE being touched so I tried my best not to rub up against my intoxicated peers. Sure enough, I feel a hand graze my ass.

It was probably just an accident. Just scoot up a little more.

I inched just a little forward to avoid more incidental contact. Not 30 seconds gone by and it happened again! Annoyed, I quickly turned around to confront handsy mandsy and-

Wow she’s really pretty. She’s also really drunk. Okay, I don’t mind as much, but she needs to stop.

For the next 25 minutes, Handsy Mandsy continued to graze my butt by “mistake” while I attempted to increase the space in between us as much as possible. I can’t do this! No more! No pizza is worth this! Pushing past the hordes of drunk students I finally got outside. 3:23AM and still no pizza!

You can’t go back empty handed now. It’s been an hour and a half. Frank’s is still open.

Ugh. Are you serious? Frank’s pizza is so bad.

Listen buddy you’re hungry, everything is closed, and don’t have many options. Decide.

Against my better judgement, I bought Frank’s pizza and returned to Luzerne Hall. Sare, Modi, and Emmy A. were relieved to see I came back alive. Nearly two hours had pasted since I left. The girls and I sat in the lounge reluctantly eating the spoils of my late-night voyage.

It was not worth it – Barry

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