Adventures in Learning: Chemistry 100

Slumped down in my seat I checked my watch for the 1,000,000th time hoping that time magically sped up. There were only fifteen minutes left in the class. It felt like forever. Gee whiz! I LOVE Chem 100! Also known as Chemistry: For Dummies. I only took this class because I needed the Gen Ed points.

Dr. Krayola wrapped up her explanation of Mad Cow Disease and paused. “Alright class, are there any questions?”

Kuster auditorium grumbled noisily until one student sitting in the back-left row decided to raise his hand. I never learned his name so I’ll call him Dumbass. Anyway, Dumbass innocuously raises his hand. Dr. Krayola perks up, finally seeing someone who is remotely interested.

Dr. Krayola: “Yes sir? What is your question?!”

Dumbass: “Yeah so uhh… you said the Mad Cow Disease causes the cows to go crazy and that’s why we can’t eat the cow meat?”

Dr. Krayola: “Yes sir, that is indeed correct.”

Now that Dr. Krayola has confirmed Dumbass’s understanding of Mad Cow Disease he confidently follows up with another question.

Dumbass: “Soo ummm… is that where like, zombies come from?”

Is this kid joking? Hey Dumbass, newflash: Zombies. Do. Not. Exist.

I just barely suppressed the urge to slam my notebook onto ground and rage out of the lecture hall like a goddamn mad man. Dr. Krayola paused and visibly swallowed her pride before patiently responding.

“Umm sorry honey, but zombies aren’t real.” Oddly enough I could feel her sincerity.

Dumbass’s expression warped in disappointment. A lifetime of false beliefs shattered in an instant. His face read something like What? Zombies.. not real? My whole life is lie. A silence overtook the room before he replied with a pathetic “Oh. Okay.” I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

“Okay class! That’s all the time for questions today, I will see you all next week.”

Good call Dr. Krayola – Barry

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