So I got this interesting idea today: What if I was a snake person? I don’t mean a person that really likes snakes. I mean half human half snake. I wouldn’t have legs just a long snake tail. Now there are a lot of reasons why this would never happen, but if it did these are my key considerations.
My first question: Do I even bother with pants? If my twin package of meaty chicken legs get replaced with a reptiltain tail should I still cover it up or just throw on my favorite shirt? Whole point of pants is to cover your junk so no one can see that you haven’t shaved in a weeks. If I’m slithering around on Mainstreet like a U.S. polictican on an election year then I don’t need to bother covering up. The element of surprise is already gone.
My second question: How do I get around on a daily basis? Slithering all over place cannot be easy. That’s probably why snakes eat so much, because they’re tired from all that damn slithering. Forget about road trips: no legs = no driving. Stairs would be a bitch too.
Question number 3: How do you explain your umm, new “acqustition” to your friends? It’s not like you just got a new watch. “Oh hey! I see you trading in those old legs for a snake bottom! Niceee!” Family reunions are going to be much more akward too. I guess you could pull a Timmy Turner and blurt out “Umm-internet?” before anyone gets a chance to ask any real questions. On the upside the person you like at work won’t notice it, but they never noticed you anyway.