If you’re going to be an asshole at least be funny.
This is a personal mantra of mine that I follow on a pretty regular basis. Now before I go into further detail, we can all agree that no one likes an asshole. Most people try to avoid assholes as much as possible. You know what people do like? Comedy. People love to laugh and enjoy themselves. Therefore if you absolutely must be an asshole then at the very least make it funny. Here are some example for clarity:
Example 1: Normal Asshole conversation
Ted, my dog Lucky just died.”
Ted: “ Good, I never liked that damn mutt anyways.”
That was a perfect example someone being just a regular asshole. Now we’ll move on to someone being a funny asshole.
Example 2: Funny Asshole conversation
Bill: “Hey Ted, did you hear about that new statue being built downtown? It’s going to be huge!”
Ted: “Hopefully it isn’t as big as your disgusting thighs haha.”
In example two, Ted still made the initial decision to be an asshole, but this time he chose the funny route. In scenario 2, Ted demonstrated how to be asshole without alerting others to his inane douchiness.