The Advantages To Having A Birthday


My editor’s birthday is soon and it gave me an interesting thought: having a birthday grants you with a lot of advantages. After three weeks of deep meditation and self-reflection I’ve been able to compile all the advantages into the list below.

download (1)

Instant Royalty

Scientist have found that when a human reaches his or her birthday, their red blood cells begin converting into royal blood cells. This causes the birthday boy/girl to feel an overwhelming sensation of self-entitlement. With royal blood coursing through their veins, they begin to ask for all sorts of special treatment from friends and family. This includes (but not limited to): back massages, a surprise party, $25 gift card to Applebee’s etc.

download (2)


Level Up!

If you think of life in terms of a popular massive multiplayer online role playing game (mmorpg) than having a birthday is the equivalent to leveling up. At level 16 you gain the ability to drive. At level 21 you unlock access to the forbidden bars. The best is when you reach level 65 and get the Senior Citizens Discount passive ability.


Supreme Diplomatic Immunity

On your birthday, people are required by law to let you get away with any vile and heinous act you choose to commit. If someone attempts to stop you, simply remind them with the phrase “But it’s my birthday tho”. Here are a few excellent examples:

Example #1

Mom: “Patrick! Go clean your room!”

Me: “But it’s my birthday tho.”

Mom: “Yeah you’re right, nevermind”


Example #2

Officer: “Stop! You’re wanted for 11,786 counts of murder in the state of Wyoming!”

Birthday Boy/Girl: “But it’s my birthday tho.”

Officer: “Oh… carry on citizen”


What do you guys think? Did I miss any advantages? Be sure to leave a comment!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s