Over the past year there a number of habits I have developed while away at college. These habits all range from good to bad to just outright strange. This list focuses on the bad habits so I guess an alternative title for this post would be Eleven Reasons Why I’m Actually An Asshole. The list is serious but the explanation is not. I will also do a list of good habits and strange habits later this week. So without further ado here is the list:
11. Taking my anger out on people who really don’t deserve it
I usually do this when I’m sleep deprived. Those unfortunate to enough to face my wrath when I’m in a rage induced hulk state usually get trampled with a salvo of insults.
10. Rudely correcting people
Sometimes I think my name is Merriam-Webster and find the need to correct other people’s grammar. While there is nothing wrong with politely correcting people I’m a dick. So if you say “are” instead of “is” there’s a high chance I will yell “WROOONGGG!!!” at the top of my lungs.
9. Not taking things seriously when I should be
Whether it’s a fire or a tornado or World War Three I will not hesitate to laugh uncontrollably at any serious situation. This may be partially due to the fact that I can be classified as “criminally insane” in most states. HAHAHAHA!!
8. Ignoring people
This one I do a lot because it’s easier than losing my temper. For example instead of reverse 720 double spin kicking someone in the nostrils whenever they try to annoy me I simply take a breath and ignore them. The spin kick is always an option though.
7. Making promises I know I won’t follow through with
We all do this at some point time. You have that one friend that’s like, “ Hey, wanna come with me to base jump off of abandoned skyscrapers in a third world country?” and knowing full well there’s no way in hell you would ever do that you still respond “Yeah! That sounds extremely fun and safe!”
6. Not explaining myself when asked to
This one is out of pure laziness. I mean sure I could explain why I cook meth in my basement or why I howl at the moon in the daytime but it would just be too much work.
5. Telling people I’m okay when I’m actually not
Men are known for not being honest with their emotions. I could have my spinal cord sticking out of my eye and still tell people that everything is okee dokiee.
4. Putting down other happiness because I can!
Sometimes I channel my inner super villain and make it my life’s mission to ensure everyone is just as miserable as I am! The only issue is I don’t have a wonky costume and spandex to make it legitimate.
3. Taking things personally when they really aren’t
There’s always that one person that decides not to hold the door open or bums into me and does not apologize. These really aren’t go reason to wish them a horrible fiery death but I do it anyways.
2. Preemptively judging people before getting to know them
I’m sorry but if you wear crocs there’s a high chance your: a. A 40 year old nurse or B. an asshole. Odds are it’s not A.
1. Using curse words as filler in sentences.
Who the hell knows why the fuck I do that shit?
0. Secretly building a Death Star in my free time.