I Would Date Me

It’s 5:45am. Swiping back the shower curtain I release a mass of steam into my tiny bathroom. Before drying off I move to the sink to brush my teeth. Something in the mirror above the sink catches my eye.

Damn I look good! Did you lose some weight?

I make a few bicep flexing motions in the bathroom mirror and pose for the audience of one (myself). Indulging in this vanity for longer than I care to admit another thought pops up.

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The bathroom mirror also doubles as a photo studio for Instagram pics

Wow, I would date me. I would totally date me. I feel bad for people that will never get to date me. Oh well.

For the rest of the day my mind generated an extensive list of all my date worthy qualities. This list could encompass another whole blog post so I’ll just name a few. Besides being irresistible, charming, I am young, ambitious, smart, funny, etc. Creating this mental list gave me a better appreciation for myself. What started out as ego stroking turned into an acknowledgement of my self-worth. Now I wake up nearly every day thinking I would date me.

My question to you is this: Would you date you? Single or otherwise, most of your time with is spent with yourself. Acknowledge those great personality traits and work on the not so great ones.

Now if you don’t mind I have a hot date (with myself) – Barry

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Movie Discussion – Sequels and Remakes

Dear Hollywood,

In the last few years I’ve noticed a trend. Now don’t be offended when I tell you this. Please take a seat before I explain further. I know how much you love your sequels and remakes of popular 80’s movies. Some of those movies turned out to be great choices while others….. well not so much. Like what happened with Transformers The Last Knight?

Constantly obsessing over sequels and remakes is ruining you. I gathered your friends and family together here because we love you. This is an intervention. We want to see you thrive. In the past we stayed silent because we thought it was just a phase, but now we are worried. Please Hollywood, consider your actions before you release another sequel or remake.

Love,

An avid movie goer

Blood work

God I hate hospitals. The overpowering sanitary smell, the sickly helplessly patients, the serious looking doctors with their array of medical contraptions. I despise it all. Luckily, I only needed blood work done. It would be quick, ya know? In and out. Gone in a jiffy. Done and done. Unless…

Stop that! Your freaking yourself out more!

Okay. Okay. Calm down. Be coooooool. Continue reading

What love is not.

Love. Arguably the most ambiguous of all abstractions. For centuries human beings have suffered, pondered, and declared their unique perspectives on love. Despite these efforts no universally accepted definition of love exists. I don’t have any idea what love is either. Instead I offer a backwards solution: define with unshakeable certainty what love is not. Continue reading

Random Encounters – Meter Maid

Interacting with random Bloomsburg Townees is always an interesting experience. These are moments typically occur in a few seconds, but they are definitely worth sharing.

Overcast sluggishly drifted in front the morning sunshine blanketing Market Street in a cool shadow. Usually I love the sun, but the sweat soaked clothes sagging on my body made me disagreeable today. I spontaneously decided to go for a run on one of the hottest mornings in July – lucky me. Approaching the fountain at the intersection of Market Street and Main I happened upon an interesting scene: Continue reading

Random Encounters – Old man

Interacting with random Bloomsburg Townees is always an interesting experience. These are moments typically occur in a few seconds, but they are definitely worth sharing.

Clear cloudless skies and sunshine marked this perfect summer afternoon. Leaving my apartment I headed for Jen and Sare’s place. I quickly jay-walked across the street from First Columbia Bank towards Husky Korners. While strolling along the sidewalk I noticed a lanky old man walking his brown pitbull. Continue reading

Progress vs Perfection

Self-improvement is not about perfection. I have witnessed too many people obsessed with perfection unknowingly inhibit their own growth. Many times they end up self-destructing. According to Merriam-Webster perfection is defined as

…freedom from fault or defect: flawlessness

Human beings learn from trial and error. Observing our mistakes and correcting them moving forward. Children fall over and over before learning how to walk independently. Failure is our default and progress is the natural order.

Perfection refuses to acknowledge our flaws, cutting off the possibly of improving upon them. For best results: Try, Fail, Learn, Rinse, Repeat.

I love you – Barry

Adventures in Learning: Public Finance

The dull glow of my laptop screen reflected off my eyeballs as stared indifferently at the slides for today’s chapter. Honestly, it was a miracle I managed to stay fully awake. I always doze off during the Friday lectures.

Class begun at noon. It was six after and Professor Budweiser was still not here. He taught most of economics courses at BU. A strange intense man of about five foot four, his appearance reminded me of the fierce Dwarves from The Lord of the Ring movies.

Ugh, typical. Late again.

This guy must have been tenured. For those of you who are unfamiliar, being a tenured professor is like getting the invincibility cheat-code in GTA. It would take nothing short of a felony before the university even considers firing a tenured professor.

Dr. Budweiser rushed in the classroom like a whirlwind. Behind his computer monitor I could hear him whispering a string of muted curses: Shit shit shit shit! Finally, after collecting his composure he addressed the class:

“Alright class. I’m in some deep shit and I need your help. The dean wants me to speculate what effect introducing a new tax would have on the local economy. He needs an answer TODAY. Now we can’t screw around here OKAY? We just gotta get it done.”

 Whoa whoa. There is no “we” buddy. The Dean asked you. Besides I’m not an economics major.

Clearly the other six students were equally confused because no one said anything. Professor Budweiser must have been desperate because then he said the most compelling thing I’ve ever heard:

“Alright guys I’m going to level with you – I can’t baffle them with bullshit and I sure as hell can’t dazzle them with brilliance. So we just gotta go ahead and do the work! OKAY?”

Suddenly the one prodigy economics major raised his hand. Together him and professor B spent the entire class period finding an answer for the dean. It was beautiful.

Moral of the story? If you can’t baffle them with bullshit nor dazzle them with brilliance just go ahead and do the work! OKAY? – Barry